Somedays I wish I had an escape route.
Reality kicks in and I remind myself, “but you don’t do that anymore.”
Somedays I wish I could just turn off these thoughts and feelings.
Reality kicks in and I remind myself, “but you don’t do that anymore.”
So, what do I do NOW?! Million dollar question my friends. And somedays I don’t really feel like answering it or doing, “the work,” per say. I’ve learned over the last three years that my thoughts are not facts. They are just that, thoughts. It starts with shifting and changing my perspective… which isn’t always easy or fun, but guess what? Every time I notice that shift or change in my perspective, it’s beyond worth it.
Negative creeps in. Self doubt creeps in. The tears are coming my way. And BAM. Katie shifts perspective and it’s gravy from here on out!
I hope you could gather my sarcasm here… I don’t do this perspective change perfectly. In fact, I don’t know anyone who does. Changing my thoughts from the extreme negative to somewhat positive is not natural for me. In fact, it’s sometimes debilitating. I’ve learned in recovery that usually my first thought is wrong, and if I make my second thought about God [or good], then I have a chance. A chance at a better decision, a better tone of voice, a better outlook, etc. etc.
I’ve been noticing that my children are struggling with similar thoughts and feelings. And guess what? For one, their emotion is coming out as anger. For another, it’s coming out as fear. Michael is just well, Michael right now. And Lily is a mix of the anger and tears. When we all are having a hard moment or tough experience, I repeat the same thing:
“But you know you’re safe, you know you can move forward. God is with you always.”
While there might not be an escape with a substance like there has been in the past [for me], here’s what I’m teaching ALL of my kids in choosing LIFE in lieu of the escape route: we are worth it. Life is worth living. The hard times always pass and there’s always light after dark. And no matter they are feeling, thinking, saying, etc. My love for them will NEVER change. And God’s love for them will never change.
Was that enough to stop a trick or treating breakdown? Nope. Was that enough to stop a school drop-off meltdown? Nope. Onward the kids have gone the past few days with their uncomfortable feelings- and on I went knowing they were hurting and scared and sorry. But guess what? I know we will handle THAT situation [if it comes up again- I can guarantee it] better next time… because Mom didn’t take the escape route.
Besides, if I tried escaping I know a certain foursome would find me in no time….
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