Let me start off by saying my children are happy. No one in my life would consider me a bad Mom. I do not consider myself a bad Mom. But I feel off. I don’t feel like I’m giving my all in my role as a stay at home Mom [which I am 93% of the time]. In fact, I’ve felt more impatient, run-down, and crabby than I have since Lily was born. The reason? Who knows. I’m still not sleeping through the night [thank you Lily], I’ve got two toddler boys pushing the limits and boundaries when it comes to the word, “no,” and yes, I know I’m trying to do too much— between running a happy household and my Mom to Mom Nutrition business.
I came to this realization of wanting to become a better self, a better Mom, after a long, LONG Tuesday. From our weekly church playgroup, to a doctor appointment that involved 3 wild kiddos in one small office, to Joey getting kicked out of karate for not listening, I reflected on things I could change that would not only impact my mood and behavior, but hopefully help Mr. Joey when he’s having a little rebellious moment.
So here it is: a few things I’m doing NOW with the hope that they guide me to becoming a better self. A better ME for my family.
Waking up earlier. My kids start their day anytime between 7:00 and 8:00am. I too, have started my day when I hear the little feet run down the hallway and end up on my side of the bed. But I can tell you that if I have that 30-40 minutes ALONE, with a hot cup of coffee, before anyone else wakes up, I am in a better mood and ready to the tackle what our day might bring. I’m currently consciously setting an alarm for 6 or 6:30am, with the goal of enjoying that hot cup of coffee and my morning news or sport shows solo!
Unplugging for most my day. This one is hard for me. My cell phone is my lifeline. It’s what keeps me in contact with the non-toddler world. It is also the way I stay active with my business, through consistent Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram and SnapChat posting. BUT, I can tell you that when I’m on my phone, my kids misbehave. They act out with each other or do something they know I won’t approve of. So if you notice I’m not responding to a text or an email for some time, just know I’m doing it for the health and happiness of my family. I promise I’ll get back to you within 48 hours!
Making time for me. I feel like I do a fairly good job of setting up playdates or dinner dates with friends. But lately I’ve felt like I’m not doing anything for me. JUST ME. I shared with Ted I need some time with myself, whether that be a workout class or a walk after dinner. So while I have wanted to use the time the boys are at their school program for things like work, I’ve decided to take some of that time for a little 1:1 with myself. Again, that being a walk, workout class, or heck, cooking just for fun! Or perhaps a long HOT shower alone!
Focusing on the positive. One reason I love our weekly church mom and tot playgroup is that the group is filled with moms who have children of different ages, hence differing advice. We can be open and share our struggles, and give one another a few laughs when we are going through the same bedtime or snack time struggles. This past week a few of the moms were talking about the importance of positivity and compliments when it comes to communicating with your children. While it’s SO easy to say, “no!” or, “stop doing that,” it’s just as easy to turn the tide and turn a positive into a negative. While I was SO mad Joey wasn’t listening to his coach at karate, when we came home and he listened to my request to come to the table for dinner, I made sure to thank him for listening… patience mommas, I need as much as I can get!
Eliminating the bribes. Yep, I’ve bribed with food. I’ve bribed with TV. And what I’ve found is that a bribe here and there easily becomes a routine. I’m not sure if this one makes sense… but for me the most bribes happen at mealtime and bedtime. If you stay in your bed you’ll get a show in the morning. If you try your X you’ll get more of the Y you love! Just being the honest registered dietitian Mom here. And kids will behave a certain way because they think they’ll get a reward, not because they think it’s the right thing to do. I WANT my kids to do things or behave a certain way because it IS the right thing to do.
While I’m sure there are 100 other things I could do to better myself as a mom, these are a few I can focus on now.
Let’s chat: What things do you consciously work on or strive for to become a better mom?
Raising 3 kids under age of 5 (4?) is a tough ride on its own. From my own experience, I can say it will get much better when youngest turns 5-6, depends on personality. Yes, just a reality of having all kids at once LOL. There is seriously no magic wand. Who can be patient in this situation, seriously?! Just being honest. I would be plain exhausted and would hate my life. I found 2 kids was OMG so much work. So, I wouldn’t really call yourself impatient or a bad mom.
What saved me was evening walks by myself, just time by myself, not even with friends. I find even now I cannot handle much listening to anyone, I can’t, I’m out of energy by 6PM.
No bribes for sure, I always view that one as a hole you will just get sucked into. Ouch, no bribes. I also wouldn’t do activities for toddlers. Seriously, to drag 3 kids to a karate?! Forget about it. And who needs karate at 4-5? Come on, America LOL!
And social media…OMG, what a bunch of noise. Even with older kids I barely touch my phone all day except email. I am not on Facebook, no browsing Pinterest. Seriously, what a waste of time. I schedule minimum of Pinterest and IG and good bye. I do not have time for more noise from people I have never met. I hope this helps. Don’t be hard on yourself, just focus on yourself and get realistic with your situation.:) This shall pass too but it is about another 5 years to go.
2017 is a hard era to be a mom!!! But good news is you can be whatever you want to be.:)
LOL you had me cracking up at the karate comment!!!!!!! I find if I don’t have them in activities I feel isolated and secluded. I’ve found I’m just slowing down with the blog and I’ve been happier. Probably shouldn’t be saying that as I’m typing this to you on my blog lol but hey I’m being honest!!
And thank you for your wise words my friend. ❤ and motherhood hugs to you!
This is a great post! I only have on son, he’s 16 months, and feel like I’m not the best mom I can be. God bless you for having three and doing it all! In my eyes, you are a rock star! But I will say by waking up early before everyone else in my house it sets my day off on the right tone. I’m able to enjoy some quiet, drink my coffee, and start the day off without a huge rush from my son and husband.
I’ve heard that from multiple people so I’m doing it!!! Thanks for reading and sharing Annie. Wish we could have coffee together!
Life with small kids is hard, no way around it. Yes, it’s also full of joyful moments (oh, how I miss cuddling a baby or carrying around a toddler on my hip!), but it’s also hard. Looking back, I remember that period being a bit like survival mode. You do what you can in the moment. And things will change. I hope you are cutting yourself a lot of slack because you are doing an incredible job!
Thank you Sally!!! My MIL tells me this is the most physical part of raising kids. Then once they hit 5 it’s more mental.
Oh and just remind me I’ll miss these days… I hope we can dish about this all in person!!
Agree with what Sally says – cut yourself a lot of slack because you are doing an incredible job!! 🙂
I feel like I have no advice with only one small child at home. You are the keeper of the wisdom! 🙂
But I can agree with your idea of getting up an hour earlier than your littles. I have been doing that since Willa was 3 months old (except on the weekends, when I want to sleep in too!) and it is a LIFESAVER. Whether it’s to have coffee and watch TV by yourself, read, get last night’s dishes done, go to the gym or take a nice, long shower, that hour gives me my sanity for the day. Your time is not your own once the kiddos are up, so having an hour to yourself to start the day is hugely helpful for me. Anymore, I feel behind when I don’t get up before Willa. It really helps set the tone for my day, even when I’m so tired and angry when the alarm goes off. I’m still glad I got up earlier than her. I hope you find it as helpful as I do! xo!
You are right— if I don’t get up before I feel SO behind! I’m working on getting up early… I just need to go to bed earlier. I hope you are feeling well momma!!
And thanks for being my friend through all of this! ??
Getting up before everyone else is the best way to start the day. I always did.
I just need to learn to go to bed earlier!
I never got up before the kids until a couple years ago, it’s a good, worthwhile – but hard! – habit to start. Especially when babies aren’t sleeping. I think I started when Micah was finally sleeping.
I’m with you about the phone/social media stuff, you already know. And I agree with Olena, it’s unneeded noise!!! She’s totally right, 2017 is harder to raise littles with all this extra stuff!
Definitely give yourself grace, you’re in a season, you are awesome Katie & I’m glad to call you friend! <3
I’m so glad to share this virtual friendship and motherhood journey with you Aggie!!!!! Thanks for being my friend and cheerleader ❤ now let’s meet in person!
Are we living the same life? I’ve got to work hard to implement these practices but ALL that you mentioned help me tremendously! I try, on my best days to get up at 5:00am to workout and/or drink coffee and have some me time. I’m also trying to put away the phone because like you said, my toddler acts out at that time and I also find it drags me down emotionally. You are doing a great job and I’ve loved getting to know you on social media – this world is crazy like that 🙂
Also, one of my new favorite things is podcasts, on just about anything I’m interested in – Motherhood, pop culture, health and wellness…I listen while doing laundry or washing dishes!
What are some of your favorite podcasts?! Virtual hug to you momma!!
So lovely! Great post!
You are being entirely too hard on yourself. From what I can see you are a wonderful mother! Kids need love, attention, structure and guidance. It’s a lot of work, making Moms everywhere tired just thinking about it! And it cycles…at least it did for me. I would be able to be Super Mom for a good stretch, but then needed to reign it in for a while so I could regroup. It was difficult learning to say no, heck I’m still learning, but sometimes you have to so you can recharge. And I can honestly say being a stay-at-home mother was the most difficult and rewarding job I’ve ever had. I currently work in a corporate position and can say without a shadow of a doubt I was much more frazzled, sleep deprived and critical of myself as a mom than I have have been as a professional. I didn’t get to appreciate this until I came out the other side (my babies are 25 and 27…which is funny because I feel as though I just brought them home from the hospital!). At times you wonder,”Am I doing this right?” But thank heaven, kids are resilient and much more adaptable than we give them credit for. So relax, love those babies up and when you need ‘me’ time, take it, enjoy it thoroughly knowing you will come back as super mom once again = )
Hi Diane! Thank you so much for your comment, experience, and virtual hug. And you are SO right, kids are adaptable and resilient! I am on a weeklong me-time right now just with Lily for a family funeral and I miss those toddler boys of mine SO much! I’ll be recharged in no time. Thanks again for reading and commenting!
I loved this post. I especially liked the tip about eliminating bribes, it can be so tempting to do this when you’re on you feel like you’ve tried everything. This is such a helpful read for any mama that is struggling today. In my life, crafting plays a huge role in making me feel like a better mom (although some days I feel like I’ve got the hang of it and others failure begins to creep in….#momlife). I wrote about why crafting will make you a better mom here: https://www.makingmanzanita.com/how-crafting-will-make-you-a-better-mom/
Thank you for sharing!!!!