Since my last, “life update,” where I shared what life was like at 30 days sober, I thought it might be fun [yes, recovery can be fun] to share periodic updates with you all regarding my sobriety. Today marks 75 days sober. Before you hoot, holler, and cheer, let me tell you getting sober is the most important [and difficult] thing in my life. And it is going to be for the rest of life. Sobriety comes before children. It comes before what the rest of life entails. While it might seem selfish or confusing to some as to why ME comes before my children, I’ll leave you with this saying my Mom always told me: if momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. For me, if momma ain’t sober, ain’t nobody happy. It’s as easy and as complicated as that.
Right now, I’m totally immersed in AA. Alcoholics Anonymous is just that, anonymous. I will never, ever, share anything from the program re: my friends or others in the program. But I will share my experience with the program [to an extent] on this blog because AA is saving me. A day at a time. Literally and figuratively. From meetings to mentors to friends to reading materials, there’s not a minute of my day that doesn’t involve some type of AA message or tool. In fact, the kids are even trying to recite the serenity prayer with Mom when those, “moments,” hit for me and I ask God for help.
Because my family AND AA is super important to my everyday life, I’m learning to bridge the two. That means meetings, quality time with my kids, more meetings, and more quality time with my kids. I’m trying to mix in a little extra for Mom [mani-pedi’s, pilates, lunch with a girlfriend], but those are just the icing on the cake. I’d take an AA meeting and an afternoon at the pool with my kids any day!
Along with the importance of AA and getting sober for myself and my kids, here’s what I’ve learned so far about recovery 75 days in:
- I easily tire.I thought I was tired mothering 4 children before trying to get sober. Multiply that by 10 and that’s about how I’m feeling these days. To combat the zzz’s before physically and emotionally, I’m slowing down on the exercise, relying on a little more help from my parents and babysitters when it comes to kids’ activities, and I’m letting the house go. Just a little. Oh, I’m also trying to bed at a decent time. Last night I went to bed at 9pm and I still felt like a nap today.
- I cry. A lot.I felt like my emotions were pretty much in check up until I started my 4thstep [in AA- there are 12 steps for those of you not familiar with the program]. Holy emotions! While you can Google all about the 4thstep, I’ll just leave you with this: The 4thstep is bringing up lots of memories from my past in which I’m pretty disappointed in myself, my behavior, and my involvement in situations that I’m NOT proud of. But the beauty of going through these feelings and working through my past is that I’m building a foundation for a better today and tomorrow. Or so that’s my goal! I’m also bettering myself to be an example of the type of person I want my little people to be and/or become. That’s one HUGE reason I love AA: I’m not only becoming a better version of Katie, I’m also becoming a better parent.
- I’m living a day at a time.And have been for the past 75 days. And likely will be for the next 75. So, if you try to plan something with me a few weeks from now I’ll likely say, “hang tight!” or, “I’ll get back to you,” because my brain is functioning in the now. To first and foremost stay sober right now. And then hope the rest of the minutes, hours, in the day will follow suit.
I plan on continuing these recovery updates because they are not only a journal of sorts of where I am and where I have yet to go in my recovery, but they also help keep me accountable to you all and to myself. I want this, and I’m eternally grateful for everyone cheering me along the way.