I’m writing this as I’ve been with my children ONE week out of the entire TWO-week Christmas vacation/break, and I can’t help but think about how my problems today are SO gold-plated as compared to my problems one year ago. I’m tired and about to lose-a-fuse over my children asking questions, showing emotion, and oh yeah, wanting my time??? Imagine that! How hard it is to be so loved and wanted by my kiddos!! My hope is that you read the sarcasm in my voice…
Today was the last day of “break” and you could say we were all at our breaking point. I was in full-blown Mom-mode where I set up a play date for each of the kids, had a grand plan for lunch, and then figured we’d spend the afternoon playing with toys and lounging around the house. Happily. I jinxed myself by a. planning and b. thinking I could make everyone happy by catering to differing schedules and friends and playdates OH MY. Ooops. Rookie mistake!
The reality is our last day of break had this Mom shouting, “happiness is an inside job!” which was not taken so well by my adoring audience- as evidenced by their reply of, “this is the worst day ever!” for what felt like the 100th time. But really, when I sit back and think about what I’m feeling while writing this blog post, I got to thinking about this so-called “inside job” that I’ve heard around recovery tables and therapy offices, and how that relates to my role as a Mom.
It’s not my job to make my children happy. My job is to provide a safe, loving, nurturing, healthy home for them. My hope is that I also apply those same principles to myself so I can be the best Mom for them. But in terms of making them act or behave a certain way? No way, Jose. I’ve been fighting these genes of co-dependency for far too long and I know that’s dangerous territory [called control] for me.
Today reminded me that we are all in charge of our own bodies and minds. And that if I know I’m doing the best I can as Mom, or being the best Mom I can be, then it’s OK for my children to experience a not-so-happy-day. I also need to remember that these four kids have been with one another pretty much non-stop this entire two-week period. Yes, Christmas was magical. Yes, they are having fun with their toys. But they are beyond ready to exit the family car and enter their individual classrooms at school tomorrow.
When I think about my wish for my children this year [and really, myself too], it’s not happiness. It’s peace. Because happiness can lead to too much of a good thing- Mom’s speaking from experience here! Happiness doesn’t always have to be the desired outcome or state of being. I’m more than OK with being OK!