Normal. I cringe when I hear that word right now. Not because we are living through a pandemic, but because I’ve been long questioning what normal really ever was for my family. Ask my children in 10 years and I’m sure they’ll question a few things about their childhood- their parent’s relationship, their Mother in recovery, why they had to have XYZ for dinner AGAIN and again. The truth is, our new normal or every day is really good right now. But it hadn’t been for quite some time despite what things have looked like from a social media post. Here’s why:
Ted and I are separated. I wasn’t sure how to share this in a blog post, or how to even bring up the topic of divorce. But this space has become a corner of truth for me, and If I want to live a sober, happy life, then I feel like I’d just be hiding behind closed blog posts with false imagery and words that don’t mean much. So yeah, I said it. It doesn’t feel good. None of the past few years have felt good. But I take comfort in knowing my truth and being able to share it with you all. With construction comes destruction. Not the prettiest of metaphors. But it makes sense to this Momma- so the destruction of my home life, my marriage [yes, I had a huge part], is giving me the opportunity to rebuild something new and normal for my family. Whatever normal is anymore!
How are the kids? That is everyone’s first question, and while I almost wish I had some crazy sob story to make everyone ELSE feel better, they are doing really well. I know that can change tomorrow, so I’m holding on to prayer, and reminding myself as much as I love my children, God loves them more. We will and are getting through a trying time with His love. There’s no doubt in my mind their positive behavior is because Ted and I are doing everything humanly possible to be the best co-parents we can be. We are modeling love, something we didn’t do for years. We are putting aside hurt, selfishness, and anger for the love of our children. What also gives me hope is that Ted and I are not only being the best co-parents we can be, but we are being kind to one another. Thoughtful. Communicative. All things I can tell you I was NOT in active addiction. Things I hate about myself- but that I’m learning to forgive about myself in order to put my best foot forward.
So yeah, heavy blog post alert. But an honest one. Just like I’m honest with the randomness of meals, the lazy leftover dinners, and the many store-bought shortcuts, I wanted to be honest from home-life standpoint too. If you can relate, or know of someone who can, feel free to share this post or send them my email. It helps to know we all have someone in our corner!